boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
