If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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