I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
