One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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