Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
