I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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