You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
