Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
