He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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