we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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