You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
