drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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