You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
