Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize