I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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