the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think my moral compass just broke
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
