I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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