the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
