Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
