he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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