anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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