You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
