One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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