At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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