I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
