i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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