So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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