Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
