i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
