It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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