so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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