I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
