i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, beer. Big fan.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
