WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
