so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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