theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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