How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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