hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
