Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
