Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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