this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
