I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize