I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
