I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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