I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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