um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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