This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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