In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
