a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I could fuck to npr.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
