you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
