we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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