And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
