T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
