Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
