I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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