fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
