you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
