You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
