She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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