I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
