My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
