Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize