Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
